Moving on from grief

Puget Island residents Ed and Stacey Lane have been married for several years, but once upon a time, it was to other people. Ed's first wife passed away suddenly and without warning, and Stacey's first marriage ended in divorce.

Neither one of them was looking for a second act when they met. There was always an easy friendship between them, despite their differences. And though they came to grief in different ways, they found a common ground in their experience with the emotion.

One day, surprised by joy, they realized their friendship had become something more, and the relationship still continues to bless the pair, and their families.

These days, they are still thinking about grief, but their focus is just beyond it.

"We just want to encourage people to know that it is okay to move on," Stacey said. "How do you move past that point? We wouldn't have this if we stayed in our grief."

The pair have taken their conversation online. On YouTube, viewers can watch as they take a motorcycle ride around Puget Island and talk about various issues in a natural and unguarded manner, sometimes humorous, sometimes serious, but a way that is always uniquely them.

"We don't have PhDs," Ed said. "It's life experience, practical experience, talking to others who have gone through it, hearing about what they've experienced and how they are perceiving their situation."

The Lanes realize that everyone's grief experience is going to be different and not all losses are rooted in death. They've had friends who jumped right back into life, and others who never did feel ready to move forward. They also know there is no formal plan to follow moving forward, but they have found some commonalities in their conversations with each other and others.

Of one thing they are certain, it takes a lot of grace.

"Whether if it's with yourself, the circumstances you are in, the other person, family members," Stacey said. "Lots and lots of grace. There will be mistakes, and weirdness."

The pair, who borrow names from famous television couples in their online conversations, talked about societal expectations recently.

"When did we allow society determine how we live our lives?" Ed asked.

"Or grieve our lives?" Stacey said.

"If it starts a conversation, it is completely worth the time and effort," Ed said. "We're not making any money on it, we're not asking for any money. It's about two, three, or 10 people figuring out how to move forward."

The Lanes believe they have about 40 or 50 listeners right now, but acknowledge it isn't for everybody.

"We're bringing God into this, because let's face it, without hope, what are we?" Ed said. "God is the author of joy, he doesn't want you to just sit and be stagnant in one spot."

"I just hope when someone is listening that someone will say 'Oh good, I am not the only one who was feeling this way,'" Stacey said.

"And overall, it's okay to move forward in life," Ed added.

The Lane's conversations can be found on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and several other podcast platforms. Look for @bestrongertogether on YouTube.