Rosburg couple adopts boy from Philippines

Elmer has a great big wonderful grin, but he's still too shy to talk very much.

After three and a half years of frustrations and not knowing if it would actually happen, this 10 year old boy from the Pangasinan Province in the Philippines has finally come home. Rosburg residents Poul and Zenaida Toftemark were finally able to put a cap on the adoption process and bring Elmer to the states.

"Every year we go home to the Philippines, where I am from," Zenaida Toftemark said. "The grandkids would come down for dinner every evening. When Elmer's mom passed away, his father brought him to where we lived and stayed with his other grandmother. Elmer joined the other grandkids and was soon at our house for dinner."

"Pretty soon, he didn't go home any more," Poul said. "We liked him hanging out at our house. we liked it so much that he more or less lived there and we pretty much took care of him when we came home and made sure there was enough money that he could be taken care of when we were gone."

That was 2009. Elmer must have been around four years old.

"The years were going by and one day, my husband asked me, why don't we just go ahead and adopt him?" Zenaida said. "I was so happy when he asked me that. I didn't want to ask him."

"So now you're stuck with us," Poul said, looking at the boy. Elmer grinned.

When they first approached Elmer's father, he said yes, but it was a tough decision and he changed his mind. Later he approached Zenaida and said, "Auntie, I did a lot of thinking, I'll just go ahead and let you adopt him, it's for his own good."

"I made it real clear that we'll keep in contact with him," Poul said. "I'm not cutting dad out at all, I'm just looking out for Elmer, that's all."

It took three and a half years to complete the adoption process.

"The adoption process, in my opinion," Poul said, "is a detriment to adoption. It's costly and it's time consuming. We go to Valley Bible Church, where I think there are four or five families that have adopted, and each adoption has taken two years or more, and cost them upwards of $30,000. It's sad because most people can't afford that. There are millions of good parents that would love to adopt, but simply can't afford it. That's just not right.

"It's hard for the child to sit around and wonder for two or three years if he will get to go."

The family was separated for awhile, as Zenaida stayed in the Philippines with Elmer and tried to handle that side of the adoption from there. Poul remained in the states waiting for the next step.

"Every time you hear a no, it's a two or three month setback," Poul said. "You go in and apply, and you wait. They tell you to expect 60 days or more for a reply. Every time there is a new form to be sent in, it's two more months."

Zenaida looked at Elmer.

"You don't want to leave us? You want to stay with us?" she asked. Elmer grinned and nodded at her.

Elmer started classes at the Naselle School District as soon as he arrived last April. He and Poul built a treehouse, and there is a teepee with plenty of room to play and explore on the Toftemark property.

With property in the Philippines, they'll go back and forth and Elmer will have contact with his dad and the rest of his family.

There will be trips to Poul's homeland, Denmark, as well.

"Ever since he's been here, I think I've said thank you more times that I ever have before," Poul said. "He's thoughtful and very helpful."

Poul has been encouraging him to read and they wait patiently for him to outgrow his shyness. If his smile is anything to go by, it won't take long.

"I'm thankful he doesn't mind hanging out with us old folks," Poul said. "It's almost like starting over. Zenaida and I both have kids in their 30s and 40s. I've got a granddaughter older than Elmer."