October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

To The Eagle:

October is here and once again The Charlotte House, a program of St. James Family Center, is raising awareness around the issues of domestic violence. We have placed purple ribbons up and down Main Street Cathlamet. Several individuals and businesses have requested ribbons to adorn their porches and buildings to show support to survivors and the work we do. We need this month to bring awareness to the devastating issues that surround domestic violence victims and survivors. We need people to talk about the fact that 3 out of 4 people know someone that has or is experiencing domestic violence in their relationships. These numbers have faces behind them; they are your mothers, sisters, daughters, friends, cousins, co-workers, or neighbors.

There has been a lot of media attention lately around the professional athletes who are perpetrators of violence in their intimate relationships. This has brought to light many different opinions around the issue. Most concerning to me is the attention focused on the victims and the question that many are asking, “Why don’t victims just leave?” First, let me say that they do. Every day we hear from survivors of abuse who were able to find the support and resources they needed to be safe and self-sufficient. Secondly, every day we also hear from people who are unable to leave because they fear the abuser will be more violent if they leave.

· In at least 55% of homicides by abusers, the victim had left or was trying to leave. (source: Washington State Domestic Violence Fatality Review – 2012)

· They don’t have anywhere to go. Communities don’t have enough affordable housing. Shelters and transitional housing units are limited. On just one day, domestic violence programs in Washington could not meet 398 requests for housing. (source The National Census of Domestic Violence Services, Washington Summary, 2012)

· They can’t afford to take care of themselves and their children without the abuser’s income.

· They worry about child custody, and the safety of their children when they’re alone with the abusive parent.

· They are emotionally drained, financially challenged, and isolated from family and friends. Surviving abuse takes an incredible toll on people.

· They tried to leave in the past and the abuser found them.

We also hear from people who don’t want to leave, but want the abuse to stop. The reality is that without some kind of intervention the abuse won’t stop and the violence will get worse.

So, why don’t victims just leave? This is the wrong question to be asking, as it implies that victims are responsible for ending violence. In fact, we should be asking what we can do to stop abusers from being violent and controlling.

If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, please call us. We can help. All services are free and confidential. Call 360-795-6400 or toll free 866-795-9381.

If you would like a ribbon to place outside your home or business, contact Annika Vik at St. James Family Center, 360-795-8612.

Susan Schillios, Director, The Charlotte House