Politicians getting us back on the right track

To The Eagle:

It's really exciting to read about all the scientific and technological breakthroughs that have been made recently by our politicians. Yep, you read that right. We used to have to hang around waiting for people like Einstein, Galileo, and Newton to get us on the right track, but now our politicians can perform these wonders, probably inspired by founding father Al Gore who invented the internet but then went dormant before he could re-invent government.

One of these great discoveries, made recently up in Olympia, is that you can burn biomass and get both heat and electricity. Our ignorant ancestors had an inkling of this but they called it trash and firewood and had little stoves called trashburners. The new biomass plants have the advantage of being permitted by 37 agencies, taxed at 16 levels, and will create a lot of jobs, mostly for lawyers to protect them from the spotted owl attorneys, murrelet barristers, and the Occupy Air crowd.

Another earth shaking breakthrough is development of the I-5 electric highway which will allow all 10 electric cars on the west coast (there used to be 20 until the Chevy Volt went out of business) to cruise between Los Angeles and Seattle with 20 minute charging stops every 100 miles. Since our state government was unable to solve the traffic problem that would hinder electric travel, our president and the EPA have stepped in and prohibited gasoline, which should have all major highways pretty clear by summer.

And right next door in Cowlitz County politicians have completed the construction of Mount Trashmore, and so will start levitating our trash out to eastern Washington where it will no doubt be fed into one of these new-fangled biomass plants and shipped back to us in the form of electricity to power our growing fleet of electric cars.

Howard Brawn

Puget Island